Thoroughly modern mummy

Night night, sleep tight

So for those following our nighttime escapades here’s the latest, I haven’t been writing much as I just haven’t had much time or inclination. Given that I’m writing this at 4:30 am says it all really! So, until probably 6 weeks ago no#2 was still feeding twice nightly, despite not being particularly interested in my milk in the day plus eating solids like a horse; so far this child eats everything and in a pretty damn good portion size too! So it got to the stage where I said ‘enough!’ physically she does not need to be waking, she should by now (and it’s now 7 months folks) be equipped to be able to sleep through the night and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her rule the roost on this one! So I decided to cut out a feed, did a bit of reading to come up with the best plan of action then after deciding just to be kind and reduce feed lengths slowly until they were cut out I chose my night. That night she did not wake for two feeds. Typical, I think she must have heard me planning.

So a few weeks later we were at one feed nightly so I was up probably a total of 20 minutes a night, I always let her cry a little just to see if she’ll settle herself back off but when it’s evident that she wont then I drag my sorry arse out of bed and head down the hallway. There was a week or so where she was trying to wake up for a second feed but I left her to it in the end as I knew she didn’t really need it. Mean mother. Last week when the clocks changed; which is a massive pain in the arse to parents up and down the country and hugely unneccessary I feel, I had started shifting our day in the week in preparation ( yes I am that crazily organised sometimes) and one night she went to bed by 6:15 and wasn’t up till 4:30… Now had the clocks actually changed then this would have been essentially 7:15 to 5:30 which is through the night basically and so the decision was made. No more night feeds. Tough mum was out to play and after 7 months of disrupted nights sleep I was ready for the battle to commence, I really don’t want to still be awake in the night in 2 months time when she should be physically capable of going through, it is at this stage that bad habits could set in and she’ll start waking out of habit rather than necessity which I’d like to prevent.

So I decided against the softly softly approach of cutting feeds slowly and to just be cruel, she’d proved how long she could go so now it was a case of will powers and I know mine’s pretty strong at times although it seems no#2’s a bloody good match. The nights that followed had mixed results and still are. Some nights she’d wake around 12:30/1 I’d settle her ( mainly by rubbing her face with her blanket thing, never pick no#2 up it causes hullabaloo!) others around 2 or 3. Some nights she’d settle instantly, others it’d take several visits in and up to 40-1 hour of wingeing although I knew I was doing the right thing because once asleep again she’d go till morning. 5am is my general cut off time, I’ll feed her the breakfast feed from 5ish then she goes back to sleep till 7/7:30 and has proper breakfast upon waking. Ah, I so look forward to her going 7 till 7 or there abouts, as I’ve said before, we do not do life before 7 in this house if at all possible!! No#1 always cuddles in bed with us if she wakes before the magic time but more recently we’re not getting to stick to our 7am rule as no#2 is too small to understand this rule yet! However, currently I’m generally up at least an hour each night, much worse than when I was feeding but it’s means to an end. Tonight has been particularly bad as she was up 3 ish I reckon, maybe almost half past and I’ve made her wait till 4:45 to feed her, all the time hoping she’d go back to sleep/trying to settle her. I think the fact she’s probably feeling fairly pants (we’ve got yet another cold in our house) hasn’t helped this tonight. So we’re having mixed results really but I am confident that we’ll get there and the sooner the better as I so despise broken sleep and am not going to have to deal with it any longer than necessary!

Annoyingly, after having been awake now for around 2 hours I am totally with it and conscious, will probably struggle to get back to sleep and annoyingly feel like utter shit when woken at 7 by the girls….bugger.

Gillian McKeith’s got nothing on me….

So, it turns out, somehow, that I am someone who not only gets quite excited about her baby pooing; what colour will it be? What consistancy? How big? How smelly? … But I also show others. Yes, I am the woman that during no#1’s ballet lesson, whilst sitting amongst other parents, no#2 does a massive poo and I show another mum. Yes, I said show another mum, like she’d be interested… I’m not into other peoples poo or indeed my own, just my childrens and to be honest now no#1 can sort herself out I’m less interested in hers too. Not sure why the fascination, I just think it’s amazing what the human body does especially sometimes when forcing large things out of small places (poo and birth covered here). Amazing. What has my world become…..

You win some, you lose some

So, some days go perfectly; children up at a reasonable hour, everybody eats their meals without bartering,bribery or the need for the aeroplane, naps are painless that is to say no#2 goes down with next to no fuss and sleeps between 1.5-2 hours (x2), some playing occurs as well as some cleaning/chores and in general you survive the day, still smiling at the end of it and not counting down the seconds till bedtime for both you and the children.

Some days are a disaster from the off, up far too early, resulting in a disrupted nap schedule and meal times,cranky baby, tired mummy, chaos in general, literally willing the husband to walk in the door.

Today was a good day! Wasn’t sure it would be as no#2 was up at 6 (as I’ve said before, life in this house doesn’t start till 7 and I refuse more often than not to get out of my bed till after the clock chimes that seventh bong) I was feeling shattered after a less than perfect night, despite the fact that I am only feeding no#2 once a night now (as of last Monday, hurrah!) that doesn’t mean to say she doesn’t try her luck and last night she woke at around 3 (after being fed at 1ish) and then again at 5 (I was not going to get up then!) so a pretty disturbed sleep. Of course it was the husband that had to go and sleep another hour on the sofa….not impressed was I.

After a rather grumpy (both me and no#2) start we had breakfast and then settled down in front of dancing on ice while no#2 napped. After that we cleaned and played, the girls played together with no#1 making no#2 giggle loads which was lovely to watch then lunch and no#2 went down for her nap. We then read some stories and I got super sleepy sat in the warm conservatory, no#1 then uttered those magic words ‘mummy I’m sleepy…’ so we snuggled up and took a nap, bliss! After waking up boiling alive in the conservatory (it had been cloudy all day but sunny and bright blue sky when we awoke) we decided the best way forward was to wander down to the shops for ice cream. Summer is definitely a’comin!

After a bit more playtime and tea for the girls it was bath and bedtime, and so we made it through today with smiles on our faces and the house relatively unscathed (although since the husband and I attempted to clear out the kitchen at the weekend and failed miserably given that the girls kept us from being truely productive and it is still in disarray with utensils all over the kitchen sides and in the dining room) as I say, you win some, you lose some…

Good things come to those that………

So whatever the current battle is that you’re having with your child, sometimes it’s worth just stopping and letting things happen. The funny thing about children is that eventually they’ll get there. Whatever it is you’re trying to teach them to do/not do, sometimes if you leave them alone they do it for themselves.

No#2 whome I’ve been deperately trying to get to nap better has finally fallen into a routine and is sleeping in her cot and for around an hour and a half at a time. How did I achieve this? I’m not sure
I did. After her day naps being such a disaster I surccumbed to allowing her just to sleep when she wanted, planning outings etc to fit in with naps (rides in the car etc) and holding her when neccessary. Not ideal by any means but it got us through the day. Then someone suggested trying to get her to sleep on my bed which I tried, I’d lie with her patting her and stroking her face with her blanket until she dropped off then leaving her nicely wedged cosily (but safely) between two cushions. Immediately she responded well and started sleeping 40 minutes at a time and after about a week she seemed happier to go to sleep and would occasionally go for around an hour. After sensing she seemed happier to go to sleep I tried her back in her cot and as of about a week ago she’s now sleeping in her cot, going off by herself for around an hour and a half, sometimes longer. Miracle! It means we have a routine and I can finally get things done and play with no#1 properly without constant interruption from a screaming child! I am under no illusion that it could all change, as that’s the nature of babies but for now it is making life far easier.

No#1 has also provided another example of ‘allowing things to just happen’. As she will be going to school later this year (hopefully….if she gets offered a crappy school I may be home schooling her!) I was aware that she needed to start breaking the habit of taking her comfort blanket everywhere, all day, every day. A couple of times I’ve suggested leaving ‘b’ at home or perhaps just having him/her at bedtime which met with a resounding no but lately she’s just started carrying it around less, even at bedtime when she has her milk in front of madaline she doesn’t always have b now, she seems to be weaning herself off it and the less I mention it the better. I suspect if I brought attention to the fact she’s not ‘using’ it so much that would send her running for it. I’m confident that by the time September greets us, I won’t be having a fresh battle trying to take her source of comfort away.

So really although it is good to nurture and try to guide children in the way you want/they need to go, ultimately if left to it they’ll probably get there on their own it’s just a matter of time. A friend of mine desperately tried to get her toddler pooing in the toilet but although she’d wee there, she’d ask for a nappy on to poo. They tried everything, Mr Poo goes to poo land (yes this is a real story…), bribary, star charts, showing her it’s ok (doing the business openly around her, in the toilet obviously…), refusing to put a nappy on her (resulting in her just holding it in…) but nothing worked. Then one day, she just decided to go on the potty. On her own, no fuss, just decided she was ready. So when we get our knickers in a twist (no pun intended) about the fact our baby/toddler/child won’t do something then rest assured that given time it’ll probably happen, I mean there aren’t adults wearing nappies, waking up for breast milk in the night or using a dummy. Are there? …

N.B oh my god I just googled the above scenarios and it turns out there are adults doing all three. Wow we live in a weird old world…

I want my mum….

No matter how old you get I think there are times when you still just want your mum, which is nice in a way as once my girls are all grown up they’ll be times when I get that call. Yesterday was one of those days for me. Despite being a grown up, married woman with two children I just wanted my mum to come and look after me. Unfortunately she is working nights this week (she’s a midwife) so she couldn’t come to my rescue so instead mini sis came to my aid in the morning. No#1 had playgroup then I arranged for her to go to my dads after for tea so I just had to deal with no#2 and luckily she was quite happy to sit on my lap most of the day watching recordings of csi, home and away, neighbours and general daytime without being scarred by the viewing, definitely couldn’t be doing csi marathons with no#1 around! Somehow I made it through the day with copious quantities of lemsip (truely revolting) and a duvet on the lazyboy, my only achievement was actually having a shower before changing into a clean set of pj’s afterall I had been feverishly sweating in them…

Being ill and having to be mum is truely horrendous. Especially when they’re too young to entertain and feed themselves. Whereas the husband slept copious amounts when he was ill, I simply couldn’t do that and was still expected to bath the children and put them both to bed when all I wanted was for someone to bath ME and put ME to bed.

Today was fractionally better, I only had a temperature first thing then once I’d gotten a couple of rounds of paracetamol on board I was left with coughing, sneezing, a constant need to blow my nose and an absolutely banging headache. Typical really, today no#2 had the longest sleep ever (almost 3 hours!!) but as I had no#1 at home I couldn’t nap. Very frustrating! Luckily the husband did come home at lunchtime which coincided with no#2 sleeping (again) and so I did then get about 30 minutes doze which I’m sure did me the world of good despite me feeling no better at all afterwards. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be feeling much better, no#1 has nursery the next two days at least so I can sit on my bottom and do nothing, well apart from tending to no#2 of course. I have felt so sorry for no#1 today as she’s been so bored of being stuck in and being fobbed off with suggestions of activities which involve sitting on the sofa; drawing, colouring, painting, fuzzy felt picture making, magazine reading and activity book doing, puzzles….. She will probably love a run around outside although she has been left with a cough which could be quite annoying for her. It helps to make me feel less guilty anyway. It’s fair to say I despise being ill, you can’t even have that extra day at the end of the illness where you’re almost better but want to milk just one more day off work to properly recouperate simply because two children require round the clock care and you don’t get to just sleep when you need to and shut off from the world. It is at this time that you miss it just being you, I wouldn’t change a thing and wouldn’t swop my life for the world but when you’re sick it makes you realise just how simple life was before the constant responsibility of being a mum occurred. Mind you, it’ll only be a few years before the girls will be old enough to look after me when I’m sick, bringing me drinks,tucking me into bed (no#1 already tried to do this but going to sleep while my two children are there awake probably constitutes as neglect I reckon…) the question is, in another 5, 10 years, will I still want my mum when I’m sick? The answer is most probably yes.

Eating’s cheating

I didn’t plan to do it, it just sort of happened. No, not my lifelong affair with Mr C. Hokkie although that’s still going on from time to time just not day to day anymore. Weaning is the issue of which I speak. No#2 has been interested in food and drinks for a while. Literally fascinated. You pick up food and she’d follow it with her eyes till it enters your mouth, she very often then chews along with you before watching your fork/spoon/whatever returning from whence it came. She’s the same with cups and would sip from my cup once my boiled water (drink of choice) had cooled sufficiently. I’d already started talking to other mums about weaning, given it was the next major step in ‘things to do’ and had made the decision to do a bit of both; pureeing and baby led (fingerfood type idea…giving them stuff they can hold and therefore feed themselves-for this they need to have a certain level of hand eye coordination which baby no#2 seems to have got sussed quite well so far) but had made a note in my diary as to when I’d ‘start thinking about weaning’ around the 6 months mark. I weaned no#1 at 6 months as per the recommendations and thought I’d do exactly the same this time.

Reading about it online the general ‘professional’ consensus is to wait till 6 months but many many mums on forums all over the place are ignoring this advice and doing it sooner for whatever reason. It is not supposed to happen before 17 weeks because that is the point at which their kidneys are mature enough to deal with the digestive processes involved with food but there is a grey area after this. There is talk of mums simply using their instinct, it has a lot to be said for. I believe listening to and acting upon instinct will make you more confident and means you’ll usually be right. The books do stress you out and certainly in my experience they may help in some circumstances but need all to be read and taken with a pinch of salt as babies really are all so different, and so are mums. Just so you know, the baby whisperer got shelved a long while ago and relying on my instinct is well and truely back in the game; we’re surviving… I have a friend who is a dietician and after a brief chat with her there seemed more reasons to give it a go early. She said all her children were weaned at 4 months and that the amount of speech and language clinics held around the county (and I guess the country) increased 4 fold when the guidelines were changed to 6 months purely because children weren’t using their mouths and their tongues as early, only doing the sucking action so this somehow impacted upon their feeding and speech later on; very interesting, not something to be quoted as scientific findings as such but an observation straight from the ‘field’.

One evening therefore, totally unplanned, I was sitting with no#1 while she ate her tea and trying to keep no#2 entertained before bathtime (her grumpy time of day) and I thought ‘I wonder what she’d do with some banana.’ so without too much thought I mashed a little up, sat her in her bumbo and gave it to her. She ate it. Not only did she eat it without pushing any of it back out of her mouth but she finished what I’d mashed up and took some more. It was although she’d done it a million times before. So easy. She didn’t throw it up, there didn’t seem to be any after effects I think she was just ready. I truely believe that a baby knows what he or she is ready for a lot of the time, if there’s something they’re not ready for or are allergic to, more often than not that baby may refuse it or spit it out or certainly give signs somehow. So if there’s a certain amount of ‘forcing it down’ happening then there may be a reason behind babies disinterest. An ex-next door neighbour had a baby not long before me and she bottle fed her, the baby was never ‘in’ to her milk, she didn’t seem to cry for it, to want it or to like it. After a couple of months she then started either refusing it or throwing it all up. The mum knew there was something not right but was just told to perservere after all, it was the only food/drink she was having being a baby. The baby got quite ill looking and started losing weight/not growing properly and finally after what must have been 4 months or so she was diagnosed with a lactose intollerance and switched to special milk which totally sorted the problem. The signs were there.

So initially we started with once a day and just fruit and veg; banana, pear, apple, sweet potato, carrot, parsnip, butternut squash, all fine. She’d quite happily take a decent sized portion too. Then it quickly changed to twice and finally three times a day all in the space of a couple of weeks. I’ve yet to find a flavour she wont eat even broccoli and cauliflower are acceptable, in fact she first had broccoli as a finger food when we ate at my sister in laws, I gave her some just to see what she’d do with it and she demolished it! She doesn’t seem to be bothered as to whether it’s fully pureed, lumpy or mashed basically there’s only one rule for her; it is food?, yes…then I’ll eat it. I held off from grains a few weeks then decided to brave it with oats and rice; both unlikely to cause a reaction unless she had celiacs. Both textures don’t seem to bother her and her digestive system is working beautifully, producing proper poos several times a day. I had quite forgotten how much I’m fascinated with my own childs poo at this stage in their lives…definitely a sign of some sort of craziness, but it amazes me how they can squeeze such things out of such a tiny place plus it’s good to check it out for signs of poor digestion, no#2 was coping just grand with this, so much so that we are going through nappies like you wouldn’t believe- going from roughly 1 poo a week to 3 or 4 a day means a lot of nappy changes and hands dryer than it was thought possible; I had also forgotten about this, the frequent washing is making them so dry and old ladyesque, parts of them are like sandpaper, handcream alert!

So that is where we are. Trying new fruit and veg throughout the week, I swear the weaning stage is the healthiest time for a child with our house brimming with stuff not usually on the shopping list. I’m holding out till 24 weeks ish before I give her wheat although I suspect she’d manage just fine, she’s 22 weeks this week so I’ll see how I feel in another week or so. It’ll get a bit more interesting once she starts dairy and protein as meals should then begin to replace milk feeds and I will be less and less of a commodity. I gave no#1 goats products initially;cheese (cheddar), butter, yoghurt and milk as it’s milder and easier to digest than cows so I’ll do the same. Even now no#1 and I drink mainly goats but both of us have normal cheese and butter and milk too, it’s just good to mix it up! Also proper food has definitely made our nights more routined, yes I’m still getting up, usually between 12 and 1 for a night feed then she’ll go to roughly 5:30 when I can give her another feed and have her go back to sleep at least till 7 usually, but it does vary. Once she’s on all the food groups I’ll be expecting her to go through the night as she then shouldn’t need the calories so if she doesn’t do it on her own we’ll have to play hardball, fun times! Life is now super hectic with me having to prepare food and feed her throughout the day too, often it feels like all she does is eat all day! I’ve hadit on my list to do to plan for the week ahead and have a cooking session to prepare most of it before hand but so far haven’t gotten around to this! I also have to get some more little bowls and more importantly storage boxes as the ones I had last time around must have got chucked so storing extra food I’ve been making has meant I have to be creative! It’s a real joy this process though, watching her discover new flavours and gobble them up and getting excited about the day when I can begin to cook proper meals for the girls to share; this excitement won’t last though as I hate cooking and it will just add another stress to my day unless I can be organised about it and at least prepare parts of meals the night before or something. For now it’s just lovely all sitting down to breakfast together and having No#2 finally be a real part of that.